The Voice in Your Head Walks Into the Room With You
When I graduated from Brown University with double concentrations in Theater Arts and Semiotics, I packed my powder-blue Samsonite suitcase and took off for New York City to pursue my dream of becoming a professional actor.
Little did I realize that tucked into that suitcase alongside my jeans, my fancy audition dress, and my underwear were two hidden passengers: Moe and Schmoe, the little naysayers in my head.
They were the representatives of fear—whose job it was (and still is) to mutter the negative Lies That Bind designed to make me second-guess myself in important spotlight moments.
Even after I unpacked my suitcase and took up residence in Manhattan, I carried the baggage of Moe and Schmoe with me to every audition and interview.
“Those women look and sound like real professional actors, unlike you!”
“You don’t have enough experience to be considered for this role.”
“You have stars in your eyes. Don’t you realize other people are better than you?”
That last phrase came from my dad. He had uttered it during a conversation with my mother when he thought I was out of hearing range.
Instead, it took up residence in my subconscious mind, where Moe and Schmoe gleefully beat me up with it at every opportunity.
Soon, I added another phrase to the already heavy suitcase of Lies That Bind I was lugging around:
“You’re too tall to be a professional actor. Nobody’s going to hire you!”
(I am six feet tall.)
The more attention I paid to these limiting beliefs, the less confident, present, and worthy I felt.
Limiting Beliefs Can Change How You Show Up
The people I was auditioning for couldn’t hear Moe and Schmoe.
But they could certainly experience the effect Moe and Schmoe were having on me.
The more I listened to those voices in my head, the more they affected everything about how I showed up in critical auditions and interviews:
- How I walked into the room.
- How I stood.
- How I breathed.
- How I delivered my words or my song.
- How I recovered from a glitch.
- How easily and genuinely I connected with the people in front of me.
- How connected I felt to my own emotional apparatus.
In other words, the voice—or, in my case, the two voices—in my head walked into the room with me.
That’s because when we think certain thoughts often enough, they can become beliefs.
And those beliefs influence how we show up: our confidence, conviction, body language, energy, authenticity, and ability to connect with others.
This is an important part of developing leadership presence.
And it isn’t just true for twenty-something newbie actors stepping into auditions.
It’s true for leaders and emerging leaders stepping into high-stakes spotlight moments, too.
Think about the situations where your presence matters most:
- Executive interviews
- Leadership presentations
- Important meetings
- Difficult conversations
- Public speaking
- High-stakes negotiations
- Moments when you need to influence or persuade others
Everyone, at every level of leadership, has their own version of Moe and Schmoe taking up residence in their head.
If you’re like the clients I coach and train, your inner naysayers may be whispering things like:
“You’re not ready for this.”
“They don’t care about what you have to say.”
“They know more about the subject than you do.”
“You’re going to mess up and embarrass yourself.”
You may never say those words aloud.
But they can still walk into the room with you.
And indirectly, those Lies That Bind can be the very things that keep you from communicating with the persuasive, engaging presence that makes a difference.
You Get to Choose the Voice That Walks Into the Room With You
Here’s the good news:
Just because Moe and Schmoe say something doesn’t mean it’s true—and it doesn’t mean you have to believe them.
You don’t have to remain stuck listening to limiting, disempowering Lies That Bind.
Over the years, both through my own experience and through my work with clients, I’ve learned that there are three powerful things you can do:
1. Identify the Lie That Binds
First, notice the thought.
What does your inner critic say when you’re about to step into a high-stakes moment?
What are you afraid might happen?
What story are you telling yourself about your abilities, your worth, or the people in the room?
You can’t challenge a belief you haven’t identified.
2. Examine and Challenge the Belief Behind It
Once you identify the thought, ask yourself:
Is this actually true?
And, perhaps more importantly:
What belief is underneath this thought?
For example, “You’re not ready for this” might actually be rooted in the belief that you need to know everything before you have something valuable to contribute.
But do you?
3. Consciously Create a New, More Empowering Belief
Now, replace the limiting belief with something that is both empowering and believable to you.
For example:
“I’ve prepared. I know what I know. I’m ready to contribute.”
Or, if you want to go deeper and challenge the belief underneath it:
“My value doesn’t depend on knowing everything. My experience, perspective, and expertise are enough to make a meaningful contribution.”
The goal isn’t to repeat an unrealistic affirmation that you don’t believe.
The goal is to create a new belief you can actually stand behind.
By consciously choosing what you believe, you begin putting the power back into your own hands.
And that can change how you show up—and how other people experience you.
So, Have I Banished Moe and Schmoe for Good?
Nope.
Moe and Schmoe still travel with me.
They still occasionally fling a Lie That Binds in my direction.
And chances are, yours will travel with you, too.
It’s not about banishing them.
It’s about challenging and managing them.
That’s eventually what I learned to do with my own limiting beliefs.
Take My Height, for Example
I couldn’t simply lop five inches off my six-foot frame.
I couldn’t stop the people auditioning me from noticing my height.
And I couldn’t replace:
“You’re too tall to be cast as a professional actor.”
with:
“My height doesn’t matter.”
Because it did matter.
What I could do was choose a new belief I could stand behind without reservation.
So I chose:
“I love my height. It’s perfect for roles that require presence and authority.”
That felt doable.
And the more consciously I worked with that new belief, the more I began to believe it.
The more I believed it, the more able I was to shush Moe and Schmoe, walk into an audition, and unapologetically own my space and my power.
And that changed everything.
What Lie Is Walking Into the Room With You?
Think about that for a moment.
What is one Lie That Binds that may be keeping you from communicating with the kind of calm, confident Charismatic Presence® that builds trust and strengthens your message?
Maybe it’s:
“I’m not qualified enough.”
“I’m not experienced enough.”
“Someone else could do this better.”
“They’re going to see that I don’t belong here.”
“I’m going to mess this up.”
Or maybe your belief is something entirely different.
Whatever it is, you don’t have to let it run the show.
Instead:
Identify it.
Challenge it.
Consciously create a new, more empowering belief.
Because Moe and Schmoe are going to walk into the room with you.
But you get to decide what you choose to believe.
The Charismatic Presence® Principle Takeaway
Know Thyself
The beliefs you carry into a high-stakes spotlight moment influence how you show up—and how others experience your leadership presence.
Pay attention to the Lies That Bind that diminish your confidence and presence.
Identify them.
Challenge them.
Then consciously create a new, more empowering belief that feels doable enough to embrace.
You may not be able to silence Moe and Schmoe. But you don’t have to give them the microphone.
Want to Strengthen Your Leadership Presence?
For more about cultivating the inner presence that helps you show up at your best when the moment matters most, I invite you to read my cornerstone article, Leadership Presence Comes From Within, part of my blog series, The Charismatic Leader.
You can also explore the concept of Charismatic Presence more deeply in my third book, Charismatic Presence: 5 Principles For Magnetic Presentations.
To learn more about my books, presence and presentation coaching programs, training programs, and keynote offerings, visit my website.
Note: If you receive an error message when clicking one of the links above, refresh your browser and then click the link again.
