This morning, in the wee hours, the heavens exploded.
A massive crash of thunder jolted me upright from a deep sleep. Streaks of lightning followed close on its heels, so bright they flashed through my room-darkening blinds.
I sat upright, heart pounding.
Thunderstorms—especially the kind that sound and feel like Armageddon—have always put me in a panic.
Just moments before, I had been dreaming about my dad. We were singing together in the car, just as we always did on long drives. It was a happy, calming dream.
So, as the world outside boomed, flashed, and crashed, I pulled the thought of my dad to the forefront of my mind.
And I remembered.
“It’s Just a Storm.”
When I was seven years old, I woke up terrified in the middle of the night during a particularly violent storm.
I screamed.
My dad came into my bedroom to comfort me.
“It’s just a storm,” he said, giving me a hug. “It’s Mother Nature doing what Mother Nature does.”
Then, surprisingly, he handed me my bathrobe and slippers and led me—squirming and uneasy at first—to the living room, where the sliding glass doors gave us a front-row view of the chaos outside.
“Watch for the next bolt of lightning,” he said. “Then let’s count the seconds together between the lightning and the thunder. Are you ready?”
I was.
Lightning seared across the night sky.
We started counting.
“One-one-thousand, two-one-thousand, three-one-thousand, four-one-thousand…”
Thunder boomed when we reached ten.
We stopped.
“Ten seconds,” Daddy said. “Since it’s about five seconds for every mile, that means the lightning struck about two miles away.”
Suddenly, I was interested.
I was curious.
I was invested in the simple act of counting.
We did it again.
And again.
And the more I focused on counting, the less panicked I felt.
By the time the storm subsided, I was calm.
Action Trumps Fear
Looking back, I realize my dad had given me something much more valuable than a way to pass the time during a thunderstorm.
He gave me something to do.
The storm itself was completely outside my control. I couldn’t stop the lightning. I couldn’t quiet the thunder. I couldn’t make the storm go away.
But I could count.
And that simple action changed everything.
You don’t have to be seven years old to be thrown off center by something outside your control.
Executives and leaders experience their own versions of thunderstorms every day:
A high-stakes presentation.
A challenging question from a colleague.
A difficult conversation.
A tense meeting.
An unexpected setback.
A moment when all eyes are suddenly on you.
In those moments, your nervous system can take over before your thinking brain has a chance to catch up.
That’s why having an intentional activity you can return to—something within your control—can be so powerful.
Action trumps fear.
When you focus your attention on something you can control, fear and anxiety have less room to take over.
Harness the Power of R & R & R
In my work as a presence and presentation skills coach and trainer, I call these practices R & R & R: Ritual, Routine, and Repetition.
These are intentional practices you establish and repeat so that, when pressure hits, your body and mind have something familiar to return to.
Because you don’t want to wait until you’re standing in front of a room full of executives to figure out how you’re going to calm your nerves.
You want to have practiced your way back to center long before the spotlight arrives.
One of my favorite R & R & R practices is F.B.I.
F is for Foot
Find the floor with your feet.
Ground yourself.
Notice the physical sensation of your feet connecting with the ground beneath you. Let that physical connection remind you that you are here, in this moment.
B is for Breath
Bring your breath into your belly.
Slow down. Breathe intentionally.
Interestingly, this brings me right back to that stormy night with Daddy.
Mindfully focusing on my breath—and sometimes counting those breaths—gives me something to do, just as counting the seconds between lightning and thunder did when I was seven.
I is for Intention
Remember your purpose.
Why are you here?
What are you there to accomplish?
Most importantly, what are you there to do in service of your audience?
When you shift your attention away from “How am I doing?” and toward “How can I serve?”, something powerful happens.
You move from self-consciousness to purpose.
And purpose is grounding.
Finding Your Still Point
Looking back at that moment with my dad, I realize he gave me a tool I would use for the rest of my life.
A tool that eventually found its way into the work I do with my coaching and training clients.
And a tool I reached for again this morning.
One-one-thousand.
Two-one-thousand.
Three-one-thousand…
Just as it did when I was seven, the simple act of counting gave me something to focus on.
It calmed me down and brought my anxiety into a manageable range.
I was still scared—especially when I counted only five seconds between a flash of lightning and the boom of thunder.
But the fear didn’t overwhelm me.
Eventually, the storm passed.
And I was able to go back to sleep.
My dad was my still point when I was a little girl—the solid center I could count on to help me feel grounded and safe.
But what I understand now is that, in teaching me what to do when I was afraid, he was also teaching me how to find that still point within myself.
That’s what R & R & R can do.
You Can’t Control the Storm
There will always be storms.
In life.
At work.
In leadership.
In front of an audience.
You can’t control the questions you’re asked.
You can’t control how other people behave.
You can’t control whether technology cooperates during your presentation or whether someone in the room challenges your ideas.
And you certainly can’t control Mother Nature.
But you can control how you meet the moment.
The work of bringing yourself back to center comes from within, through your own intentional actions.
And when you’re grounded and calm, everyone around you can feel it.
Your team can feel it.
Your family can feel it.
Your colleagues can feel it.
Your audience can feel it.
You may not be able to control the storm. But you can control how you meet it.
Today’s Charismatic Presence Principle
When a high-stakes spotlight moment threatens to throw you off center, focus on what you can control: how you ground yourself, how you breathe, and how you show up.
And when you find yourself in the middle of your next storm, remember:
One-one-thousand.
Two-one-thousand.
Three-one-thousand…
Find your feet.
Find your breath.
Find your intention.
Find your still point.
Then meet the moment from there.
For more about cultivating the inner presence that helps you show up at your best when the moment matters most, I invite you to read my cornerstone article, Leadership Presence Comes From Within, part of my The Charismatic Leader series.
Explore the concept of Charismatic Presence more deeply in my third book, Charismatic Presence: 5 Principles For Magnetic Presentations.
Learn more about my books, presence and presentation coaching programs, training programs, and keynote offerings by visiting my website.
